I first treated Paula for a back condition that kept her up at night and off of the ice (barely). I was both impressed at her athletic ability and frustrated by this mature athlete who didn’t get the idea of rest. Once we established that it was just a vertebrae nearly falling out of the spinal column, Paula began bargaining for skate time. “I promise no jumps-of course the double lutz is out-Nationals is coming up soon-maybe just some singles-I design and make my outfits so I can build a back brace in…”. We were able to reposition and stabilize the independently minded bone and Paula returned with another trophy and a video that really showed me what adult skating could be.
While continuing to manage Paula’s spinal integrity, I was fortunate enough to learn more about her endless list of talents. All who have seen her gardens know how her bond with soil and sunshine coaxed amazing blooms into being. Her generosity with gardening tips and flowers extended even to insisting that we borrow a truck when our family vehicle needed repair. I will be blessed next spring to witness the emergence of some bulbs that she gave us just a few months ago.
I’ve always looked forward to seeing Paula, to watching new stories of dance exploits acted out (you can never explain an injury without re-creating it). Her passions weren’t just worn on her sleeve. They exuded out of her. There was laughter mixed with contempt once when Paula was judging the Ventura county fair vegetables. She had found “prize winning” tomatoes with the produce sticker still on from the grocery store. This spring Paula spun in joy with her hands on her heart as she related the warmth and energy gathered up in her new greenhouse.
This year Paula presented with a new and more challenging injury. Again, after the proper diagnosis and prompt surgery, she was irrepressible in her desire to resume activity. I have been constantly reminded by Paula as to why I chose the field of sports medicine as a career. I am grateful and fortunate to have been able to help an athlete who truly lived the joy of movement.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
June 15, 20009 - 11:10
Let me start by thanking you all for the postings here and on Facebook and on the skating forums, emails, phone calls and cards. I have read every single one of them and they have provided me much comfort.
Just to update everyone on what is next. After her passing, Paula was taken to UCLA so that the neurology department could study whatever they could so that perhaps someday in the future someone will benefit from her experience. That is what she would have wanted.
She is now with the Neptune Society where they will cremate her and then return her remains to me. There will be no formal funeral service but we will be having a celebration of her life sometime in the next couple of months. I will keep everyone posted as plans are finalized.
Just to update everyone on what is next. After her passing, Paula was taken to UCLA so that the neurology department could study whatever they could so that perhaps someday in the future someone will benefit from her experience. That is what she would have wanted.
She is now with the Neptune Society where they will cremate her and then return her remains to me. There will be no formal funeral service but we will be having a celebration of her life sometime in the next couple of months. I will keep everyone posted as plans are finalized.
Friday, June 12, 2009
June 12, 2009 - 7:34 AM
This will be the shortest post but the hardest. Paula moved on to the great skating rink/garden/dance floor (take your pick) in the next world at 12:37 this morning. She went peacefully.
As I have told some people already, I was blessed for these 36 years. We have lived a life that I could have only dreamed of. We have talked many times about if it all ended tomorrow we would have no regrets, and I have none. We have taken the wise words of Auntie Mame - LIVE, LIVE, LIVE......
Jeff
As I have told some people already, I was blessed for these 36 years. We have lived a life that I could have only dreamed of. We have talked many times about if it all ended tomorrow we would have no regrets, and I have none. We have taken the wise words of Auntie Mame - LIVE, LIVE, LIVE......
Jeff
Thursday, June 11, 2009
June 11, 2009 - 8:30 AM
Yesterday was a busy day. Many friends from swimming, dancing, skating, Keeshond rescue and just plain old friends were there most of the day. They are too numerous to list but I want to publicly thank them all for taking time to visit with Paula.
Several of my fellow swimmers came on Tuesday evening to reassure Paula that they would make sure I dragged my butt to the pool to swim. They even suggested (threatened) that they would send someone to my house at 5 am to drag me out of bed if I did not show up. I know it is not an idle threat and I appreciate that.
Her current skating coach showed up on Tuesday evening also and as she heard his voice she began to move her arms into a position as if she was getting ready to jump - so she knows we are there with her.
Yesterday several friends came and read the postings from the Facebook page and we all shared stories. They seemed to be most interested in how we met (I was 15 at the time and she was 19). This is definitely a story for another day. Just know that I saw what I wanted and went after it and have never regretted it.
Dawn, who we consider our daughter, visited with us most of yesterday. She has been my rock of Gibralter through this and I can never repay her. I just want her to know she is appreciated and loved by Paula and me.
Tom, my brother, and Deen, Paula's mom continue to be here with me on a daily basis as I move through the phases and have to make decisions. I am so grateful they are here. One of the decisions that has been made is to donate whatever can be used to UCLA for research on this very rare disease. It is what Paula would have wanted.
Paula's cousin from Toronto, Mark, made it in last night. He will be here a few days and spent some time with Paula last night.
I stayed the night in her room last night and I can tell everyone with 100% certainty she rested peacefully and is comfortable, I saw it with my own eyes.
Once again, thanks to everyone for the emails, phone calls and posts. While I am unable to answer all of them please know that I do read them and they are helping me to get through this.
Jeff
Several of my fellow swimmers came on Tuesday evening to reassure Paula that they would make sure I dragged my butt to the pool to swim. They even suggested (threatened) that they would send someone to my house at 5 am to drag me out of bed if I did not show up. I know it is not an idle threat and I appreciate that.
Her current skating coach showed up on Tuesday evening also and as she heard his voice she began to move her arms into a position as if she was getting ready to jump - so she knows we are there with her.
Yesterday several friends came and read the postings from the Facebook page and we all shared stories. They seemed to be most interested in how we met (I was 15 at the time and she was 19). This is definitely a story for another day. Just know that I saw what I wanted and went after it and have never regretted it.
Dawn, who we consider our daughter, visited with us most of yesterday. She has been my rock of Gibralter through this and I can never repay her. I just want her to know she is appreciated and loved by Paula and me.
Tom, my brother, and Deen, Paula's mom continue to be here with me on a daily basis as I move through the phases and have to make decisions. I am so grateful they are here. One of the decisions that has been made is to donate whatever can be used to UCLA for research on this very rare disease. It is what Paula would have wanted.
Paula's cousin from Toronto, Mark, made it in last night. He will be here a few days and spent some time with Paula last night.
I stayed the night in her room last night and I can tell everyone with 100% certainty she rested peacefully and is comfortable, I saw it with my own eyes.
Once again, thanks to everyone for the emails, phone calls and posts. While I am unable to answer all of them please know that I do read them and they are helping me to get through this.
Jeff
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
June 10, 2009 - 8:33 AM
Yesterday was a day of transition. Paula has settled in to Oakview. The private nurses we had hired have been replaced by the hospice nurses. She still has someone with her 24/7 and I am just a phone call away.
We sat with the hospice nurse last evening to review what to expect as Paula takes the last part of her journey. While very hard to hear it will be helpful as things begin to unfold.
Yesterday evening we took one of Paula's dogs (Scarlett) to visit with her. While probably confusing to Scarlett she did manage to give Paula a couple of kisses and reached for her hand to hold. All in all it was a good thing.
We had many visitors yesterday. While I was not actually there every time someone came to visit the nurses have been keeping me informed of your visits. We thank you.
I have found that Paula and I have an amazing support group - skaters, swimmers, dancers, dog rescuers, coaches, relatives and friends. I could not do what I am doing right now without them, and as I have told many of them, I will need them even more when Paula moves on.
We sat with the hospice nurse last evening to review what to expect as Paula takes the last part of her journey. While very hard to hear it will be helpful as things begin to unfold.
Yesterday evening we took one of Paula's dogs (Scarlett) to visit with her. While probably confusing to Scarlett she did manage to give Paula a couple of kisses and reached for her hand to hold. All in all it was a good thing.
We had many visitors yesterday. While I was not actually there every time someone came to visit the nurses have been keeping me informed of your visits. We thank you.
I have found that Paula and I have an amazing support group - skaters, swimmers, dancers, dog rescuers, coaches, relatives and friends. I could not do what I am doing right now without them, and as I have told many of them, I will need them even more when Paula moves on.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
June 9, 2009 1:04 PM
We made it to Oakview at about 9:30 last night. She is now in the retirement community that she and I were planning to move into, she just made it there a little before I did and a little before we expected. Her bed is next to the windows so the sun is shining down on her during the day. For those of us who know her the sunshine was one of her favorite parts of life.
Paula rested comfortably through the night. Met with the medical staff this morning and their belief is that based on what they see as her current physical condition we will only have her with us for a few more days, at the most. While this news is very painful for all of us who love her it is really the best for her.
Thank you again for all your thoughts and support. Please keep them coming. They are helpful to us all.
Jeff
Paula rested comfortably through the night. Met with the medical staff this morning and their belief is that based on what they see as her current physical condition we will only have her with us for a few more days, at the most. While this news is very painful for all of us who love her it is really the best for her.
Thank you again for all your thoughts and support. Please keep them coming. They are helpful to us all.
Jeff
Monday, June 8, 2009
June 8, 2009 10:37 AM
Some good news today. Paula has been accepted into the Oakview Nursing Care Facility ( http://www.visitoakview.com/) which is part of University Village, a community where Paula and I had hoped to retire to. Oakview is about 15 minutes from our home and is next to the swimming pool where I swim and coach at California Lutheran University. She will spend her remaining time at a place she and I both had hoped to.
Paula's mom and sister are here as well as my brother. They have been more support for me and Paula than I could ever have hoped for. I owe them more than I can ever repay.
Over the last day Paula's seizures have continued and have come at quicker intervals. She also, for the first time, had a seizure on the right hand side of her body which we are told may mean the disease has moved to the left side of her brain. We are doing everything possible to keep her comfortable during her remaining days, however long they may be.
Over the last few days we have read and heard stories about Paula. We have all, especially Paula's mom, found these to be very comforting. Please keep them coming. They are helpful in this time.
Thank you all again for the posts, emails and phone calls. They are appreciated.
Paula's mom and sister are here as well as my brother. They have been more support for me and Paula than I could ever have hoped for. I owe them more than I can ever repay.
Over the last day Paula's seizures have continued and have come at quicker intervals. She also, for the first time, had a seizure on the right hand side of her body which we are told may mean the disease has moved to the left side of her brain. We are doing everything possible to keep her comfortable during her remaining days, however long they may be.
Over the last few days we have read and heard stories about Paula. We have all, especially Paula's mom, found these to be very comforting. Please keep them coming. They are helpful in this time.
Thank you all again for the posts, emails and phone calls. They are appreciated.
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